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on letting go…
By philip | July 21, 2008
I have a little shrine of sorts set up in front of my meditation mat. On that shrine is an empty water bottle. I got it at an Ayurvedic center in Boulder, Colorado several years ago while on one of my spiritual journeys. It sat empty beneath the seat of my truck throughout the thirty nine day trip unopened and unbroken.
When I got home I realized that the difference in air pressure between when I closed it in Colorado and when I got home to Western New York caused the bottle to crush in on itself. It became my souvenir from the journey: fresh mountain air of healing caught in a water bottle, now sitting before me as I breathe.
As I was meditating this morning, I thought about how special that bottle is to me. Well, truthfully, the bottle itself means nothing, only it’s contents. And even that’s not really accurate. What’s special is the change that occurred in that bottle between Colorado and here. It is, perhaps, a visual representation of the change that occurred in me.
And as I meditated this morning, I thought about how fragile that relic is, and what emotion I would feel if the bottle were opened and the meaning lost. Would I be sad? Probably. After all, it’s lasted three years in that state and found its way onto my shrine. I would most likely miss it, and occasionally wish it hadn’t been opened and I could still see and touch this thing that represented an event in my life.
But then again, perhaps not. Perhaps it would be exhilarating to free myself from the clinging to this meaningless, plastic object that is merely a symbol of a change that can never be lost inside my Self. Perhaps the only true connection I have to this bottle that sits before me as I meditate is posession of it; the feeling that somehow I can own that which it represents if I only cling to this one sacred relic.
How many times to we cling to things in our lives that in themselves aren’t all that spectacular, but hold some hidden meaning that anoints them as sacred in this world of impermanence? And does that connection give us strength of its own virtue, or do we perhaps rely on the fear of losing this (elementally) meaningless thing to keep us engaged with the memory of what it represents?
The truth, I think, is that if we were to let go of those objects in our possession - be they water bottles, scars, or emotional baggage - we might feel not sadness, but release… Freedom from the attachment to something that once served us well, but now only takes up space in our lives that might better be filled with the only thing that really matters…..
…. this moment.
Topics: life, as it comes |
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:50 am
IT is hard, but we should not hold too tightly to anything, especially those things that, as you said, could very well have outlived their usefulness and may be in the way when more useful things and people come along. We can’t live in the past, but we must remember the past in order to understand the present and to be able to move into the future confidently.
I find that my life is quickly and easily becoming a place of memories, when I don’t live in the NOW. I seem to be always longing for better days, when I had less debt, and responsibility and better health and I still had my singing voice, and things didn’t bother me as much and people wanted to be around me more, or circumstances were such that I was naturally around my peers more often (college livin’)
I tend to look at the present so bleakly at times and when people and moments come into my life and I connect to them and joy is made brighter within me for just that moment, for just those few days or hours, I hold on hard. I don’t want to let them go, because only God knows when I will connect to someone or something that easily and quickly, again. I mourn the loss of a connection, because I so long to be plugged into a new life or experience.
I feel a little disconnected these days, floating between all things from my past: church going and feeling a little like a kid around my parents sometimes (not their fault) feeling stuck in a job that I know I am blessed with and need right now for a specific purpose or two. I need to feel a part of, connected to others who are like minded and get where I cam coming from and where I want to be going to and where I am now, even. So letting go of fears and loosening my grip on memories and allowing myself to move into ME NOW, is all so important, it is my struggle, my goal, my challenge, my present purpose.
July 25th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
“Breathing in I go back to the island within myself.
There are beautiful trees within the island,
there are clear streams of water there are birds,
sunshine and fresh air,
breathing out I feel safe.
I enjoy going back to my island.”
Song: Island of the Self